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People are always bickering about something: religion, politics, the correct way to discipline children, igo igo igo.* Why is that? I think it's because we take ourselves too damn seriously. Someone says something that doesn't sit right with us and we immediately take umbrage. We become like growling dogs with our hackles up. Just this week I've witnessed good friends engaged in verbal brawls over the silliest things like "inappropriate" Obama jokes and whether or not Rush Limbaugh is an idiot. Why must we take our opinions so seriously? Why must everything be so sacred?
Personally, I have no desire to be "appropriate" and I'm really not that worried about what you think of me. Oh, I used to worry. In fact, I spent most of my life trying to do the right thing and not offend anybody. It was exhausting and it never really worked anyway. Someone is always bound to disagree about what's right and be offended about this or that thing.
I'm finally coming to a place where I can respond with a shrug when people get all riled up about things that make no sense to me. Here's a great example. You know those i-heart and i-hug applications on facebook? Well, I was sending them out to friends, male and female. My motives weren't that complicated. It simply seemed like a nice way to say "hi." But, you know what? Some people didn't like it.
Why? Because it's too flirtatious, a cause of jealousy, you see? I had a hard time wrapping my mind around that. They're just friendly facebook apps. But some people take EVERYTHING seriously. Ah, another i-heart from Katy? She obviously wants my man. She's hitting on him, the shameless hussy. Never mind that I was sending the same i-hearts to hubbies and wives. And, no, I wasn't hinting at a threesome. Get over it, people. Seriously.
I KNOW! Maybe we should legalize marijuana. More than that, we should make it mandatory. You know how the government is talking about regulating the amount of salt in packaged foods, because they're looking out for our physical well being? Well, maybe they should mandate that we all take a little toke and relax. Just imagine the health benefits, lowered blood pressure, less stress, a more harmonious environment.
Oh, don't get your panties in a twist, that's exactly what I'm talking about! If you're passionately against drug use, take a deep breath then do it again. Have a sense of humor. Don't take yourself and your opinions and views so damn seriously. PLEASE. I'm not *really* advocating for mandatory pot smoking, anyway.
And do I REALLY have to re-post a message about Jesus (I'm back to facebook here) to prove whether or not I believe in him or love him. REALLY? I mean, if that's what you think and you feel compelled to re-post, go for it, but don't ask me to do it. I'm perfectly happy to see you do your thing, now give me the space to do mine please. It's really easy.
Of course, I'm a pot calling the kettle black. I'm a hypocrite. When people stereotype the mentally ill and folks who are developmentally disabled, my hackles rise a bit. Then, I remind myself to let it go. I can seek to educate but there's no need to get pissed.
So, that's it. I think we all need to chill a bit.
©Just Kate, April 2010
*("igo igo igo" is Tok Pisin (the language of Papua New Guinea) for "etc.")
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I didn't know, Katy, but I would have told you this if I did - here is a late "Happy 420!" :P
Too funny! =D I had to ask my son to explain that to me. I didn't think I was clueless but apparently I AM! Happy 420 to you,too, Kevvy-baby!
And I as far as apps go, I just 'Say no to apps,' any apps. It's not you, it's the app. Sorry...
LOL, Tim! It's not a BAD idea. ;)
I don't play online games, ever, but I do use the i-heart and i-hug applications as a simple, sweet way to say "hi." At least that's what I PRETEND. In reality, I'm hitting on everyone, men and women, married and unmarried, even relatives!
Some people I think, just can't not get riled up.
I love it that you stopped by, girl! =D One of the things I miss most about myspace is reading you. You always write thought provoking blogs that I can sink my teeth into, and I love that you fearlessly defend your opinions and passions, expecting other people to do likewise. You're an excellent model of how a blogger should moderate their blogs, especially on myspace when the responses can be so huge with so many people jumping into the fray.
Anyway, I think you're right about some people being more predisposed to drama. I hate drama because it's typically mean-spirited, and I don't like to see things blown out of proportion. There are BIG things in the world to worry about, why worry about the small things? That being said (pot calling kettle black) the i-heart thing did piss me off. It's just SO LAME.
JEFF!! Wow, is it good to see you here. I was just thinking about you yesterday, as a matter of fact, my deep thinking friend. :)
Yes, some things are DEFINITELY worth getting angry about. Child abuse, animal abuse, and the list goes on and on. But gossip and pettiness and all of that? I have no time for it! And I really don't care if 1,000 women want to send my husband i-hearts! lol But my reaction to the jealousy and such... well, I suppose I should just get over it! ;)
Ok, I will comment. :) I agree with chilling...I am finding out that as I age, my ability to let things go increases and my inclination to get upset over personal slights or perceived insults decreases.If I truly live my life looking at people thru my Father's eyes-which I fail at most times-I will have a balanced approach. Meaning I get righteously angry at injustice and accept people with the same grace I wish them to extend to me. That being said....I just hide the apps that bug me:) And I go back to that happy place in my memory-you know the one! (warm, sunny day on my jetski on the river!!!!) love ya!!!
Annette, Please don't ever apologize for leaving a long comment. I love it when people comment. I love having blogversations! If nobody commented, I'd stop doing it. So, THANK YOU for the great blog comment, my friend.
I'm going to jump straight to what you said about you and Randy, and the fact that you didn't trust him at first because of your prior experience. You'd been burned and were afraid of being burned again. That's a NATURAL reaction to trauma, and I'm sure that having a spouse cheat on you is a very traumatic thing.
That's why I can only chastise myself for being so riled by the few messages I received about the whole i-heart thing. People are responding from the space they're in, based on their own life experiences. It never occurred to ME to be jealous because I've never been cheated on. I don't have that pain in my background and need to be more understanding and tolerant of people who do.
Some people are simply jealous by nature. My mom was jealous by nature, regardless of the fact that my father only had eyes for her. She guarded him fiercely. It bothered me when I was growing up, the fact that she worried about what he was doing so much. To be fair, he traveled and was gone from home quite a bit. Anyway, I think her jealousy was born in her lack of confidence. She didn't see herself for the beautiful, brilliant woman she was. It was insecurity about herself not him. That's something I want to have compassion for. Again, I need to watch myself so that I don't become too critical, to quick to let myself be riled by things that I don't relate to. Jealousy is one of them.
I knew a couple on myspace and was friends with both of them. They both talked to me, sharing their different perspectives. She was the most circumspect person I had ever seen online. She was scrupulously "appropriate." He had NOTHING to worry about. But he couldn't stop himself. He installed tracking software on her computer, behind her back, and would e-mail me to ask about this or that thing I said to her via IM. I felt so sorry for both of them. What an awful place to be in.
Anyway, on to another theme. I tested people by saying I like Rush Limbaugh, right? Now, I'm going to test "the other side" by re-posting a video in favor of gay marriage. I like Rush and I'm in favor of gay marriage. Go figure. It's my right to hold such opinions and people SHOULD respect that right. :) You know me, it's my nature to challenge myself and others. Can't help it. ;)
How's THAT for a long comment?! See, I really do like these discussions and I'm ALWAYS happy to hear from you, my friend.
You made my morning by commenting, Jeanette. THANK YOU!
I absolutely agree with what you said and love the way you said it so clearly and succinctly. Back when we spent more time together - not that long ago - I was someone whose feelings were fairly easily hurt. I wanted to please people all the time. I worked HARD at it. PHEW, did it feel good to let that go! Now, more often than not, I can let things roll right off me like water off a duck's back. :) Liberating that!
And, because I was a people pleaser, I didn't let myself get righteously angry. I was afraid I'd lose people if I did. I'm no longer afraid to stand - or, more aptly, I force myself to stand even when it's not easy. It feels good.
AH... The jet-skis! We miss ours. I will NEVER forget our mishap on the river (SMACK!) and the way you scared me half to death!!! LOL I always thought of myself as being physically fearless until then. You showed me what a weenie I am! =D
It all started a few months ago at work. I was joking around with a few of my friends (guys) and did something innapropriate yet harmless and silly. We knew it was all in fun and we laughed a lot about it.
Sooo... just this week one of those guys relayed the story (which had previously stayed with the few of us who were there) to someone out of the circle of friends.
Now this little silly thing is getting blown out of proportion and I have people walking up to me and commenting about it like it was this huge thing, practically an orgy. At first I laughed it off but then my hackles raised up and today I snapped. I told some guy to shut up and quit talking about stupid sh*t he knew nothing about. *sigh* Now instead of just being annoying it's the top news story of the day.
If I had just chilled out and laughed it off... yeah, if only.
As for political jokes. If I think they are funny I laugh. If now I just groan. After all it's just a joke.
Dang! I was clueless that you were flirting with me when you sent iHearts. *sigh* I guess that was a missed opportunity. My loss.... Or was it yours? bwahahahaaaa!!!!!!!
As for 420... I ignore that holiday because. Well I just don't agree. No biggy. If someone wants to take a little toke that's their business, not mine. =)
I also think Rush Limbaugh is not worth turning on the radio for. But if you wanna listen, whoopie for you have a great time. =)
Chain letters and loving Jesus posts... God told me that I'll be ok even if I do click the delete button. =P
LoL Katy Girl I LOVE you!!!!
Hey, Chickee-girl! I can't tell you how many times I've let something get to me when I should have just chilled only to have it blow up in my face. I feel your pain! But it's not too late. You can STILL chill and just pretend you don't notice. People get pretty damn bored when they can't get a reaction. (Easier said than done, I realize.)
Well, Chickee, I do want you and that's what all those i-hearts meant. Why did you have to be so CLUELESS. I was hoping you'd catch the innuendo. I suppose it's not too late though! xoxo <--- You know what that REALLY means, right? Tell me I don't have to explain this one. ;)
I'm not a pot smoker and I don't advocate it. I'd be most unhappy if my kids decided to park their brains in favor of a drug-assisted chill. That being said, I have zero problem with adults who want to smoke pot. It's no worse than alcohol, in my opinion, and outlawing it seems fairly arbitrary. We spend too much money trying to enforce the laws against smoking marijuana when that money would be better spent elsewhere. Just my opinion, yo! (I had no idea what 420 was! lol)
I *love* listening to Rush. He makes me think. I have no idea why that upsets certain people so much. I've actually had people say things like, "I didn't know you were like that?" LIKE WHAT?!! I enjoy critical thinkers of every ilk. But I know that's not what they're implying.
God told me the same thing, Chickee, and I believe it. He even winked when he said it, because he knows those posts are very well intentioned and he's chill about it. =D
Love you back!
There's a bible scripture, I think it's in Romans, Chapter 12, that says when we are kind to our enemies we're heaping burning coals on their head. I'm not equating the people you work with with "enemies," but I think the passage is apropos and contains a powerful truth. When we are kind and chill with people who are unkind and angry, it gets under their skin far more so than being unkind and angry back. We think we have to "defend" ourselves or our position but you cannot reason with irrationality nor can you bash someone into agreeing with you. The best way to meet irrationality is with a dismissive smile. You're much better at that than I am.
And those that *still* had a hard time? Slip them some acid and let them enjoy the pretty colours.
*****
I don't know how plainer you have to be, really. Your post pretty much says it all. Yet I know there will be those who actually read it from top to bottom and will STILL want to give you grief about "appropriate behaviour". I hope they read the comments too. Because I truly would like to see them go fuck themselves.
And if that offends them - then great: my advice would be to re-read what you wrote up there and then go check the mirror.
I know we talk about this a lot but it's a topic of endless fascination for me. You taught me to stop apologizing all the time. Oh, I already agreed with the premise that we all apologize for too damn much and I could have written quite convincingly about it myself but I wasn't living it. I watched you and saw that it really wasn't that hard. Of course, I still apologize to tables and walls when I inadvertently bump them, and I'm not even Canadian! Imagine that. ;P
But, yes, I'm sick to death of all the admonishments to be "appropriate" and consider what other people might think of me. Life's way too short and I've already spent far too long rowing that boat.
You don't really want to watch people masturbate though. Right? I mean that's totally sick and inappropriate. (You know, the part where you said you'd like to see people...) It's fine to make a point but you don't have to be offensive about it.
*sticks tongue out at you*
P.S. If I ever end up at another church potluck or picnic, I'll remember to bring some homemade brownies and enjoy all the happy people.
You missed the lady-like snort that accompanied my laugh-out-loud! =D You've got it, my friend. The next time I bake brownies for a church event, you can come and help me pass them around. We wouldn't want anyone to miss out. They're pretty damn good if I do say so myself!
As always love
~ileene
Ileene, I'm not even sure that it's creating drama. I'm talking more about people who take themselves so seriously and believe so adamantly that they are RIGHT that they simply will not listen to another point of view and, worse still, become irate at the thought that anyone might disagree with them. I see it all the time.
The truly sad thing is that most people don't really even know why they believe what they do. Because they never allow their belief system to be challenged, they remain ignorant of other possibilities! I can use my own life as an excellent example of this.
I was a fundamental Christian who had a good knowledge of the bible and all the right answers. I studied apologetics and was always prepared to defend my faith. The problem was that I'd been taught not to question - to seek and delve deeper into my own faith, yes, but not to question. So, I didn't for the longest time. I still have a very strong belief in God but I'm pretty far away from fundamental or evangelical Christianity. It happened because I allowed myself to question, think, and listen to others I previously would not have listened to.
I remember when I challenged Millard Fuller, the founder of Habitat for Humanity. I flat out told him that he lacked conviction as a Christian and was allowing too many people to represent themselves as such without establishing a standard. I remember the look on his face when he answered me. Looking back, I'm almost embarrassed. But that's who I was back then. *wry smile* I was full of adamant passion about what was RIGHT and thought I had a handle on the one and only truth.
As for the drama part of it, the people who get REALLY UPSET and then talk to others and create a flurry of disagreement and contention. It makes me tired. I do think that the jealousy around the whole i-heart thing was probably more about whatever was happening in particular relationships or had happened in an individuals past. I definitely didn't take it personally.
Love you, Ileene!
Katy
Rush Limbaugh is an idiot, but we can talk about that civilly over some milk & brownies.
LOL, Jay! I was just thinking it might make for a happier, more peaceful world. *grins*
See, I LIKE Rush Limbaugh but I know we can talk about it civilly whether we've got brownies or not! I love that. The friendships I cherish most are ones in which we can disagree, talk about our differences, and learn a bit in the process. I'm always open to hearing new thoughts, ideas, and belief systems. It's how I'm challenged, learn, and grow. :)
I love how your writing has changed, reflecting in a new you that has come about due to the previous writing and walk-abouts. I love it.
Chill out people, and we could get along so much more easily. It really isn't that hard if you take a good bite of humble pie.
I appreciate humility to a great degree, because it is what I have utilized to check me, when I take myself too seriously. hahaha... been there... done that...
Don't like that ME... so I got rid of that behavior.
You know that is one reason I thought we would always be long term friends. That you are going to accept me and my eccentricities and I am going to accept yours. Not taking too much umbrage in each other's opinions or points.
We strive hard to communicate in a fair and considerate way, but in the end it is up to BOTH parties to accept each others manner of presentation to continue that bond.
When we almost fell apart, and we got past that, I knew then, we could survive anything as friends.
I grew hugely as a result of everything I went through as a baby-blogger. I had never been online before, for one, but I'd also never dared to "speak up" before and doing so in front of such a huge audience was scary as hell. I wasn't prepared for it. I suppose I could have quit earlier but I'm glad I didn't. I stuck with it until I was ready to leave in a place of strength. I'm much stronger now, still learning and growing, and it's all been good for me. I still struggle with being emphatic without worrying about hurting people's feelings or upsetting them, but I'm getting better with practice. *smiles*
As for you and me, it wasn't personal. The blog world felt very impersonal to me and it pretty much had to be that way because there were far too many people in that forum. It's one of the reasons I decided to leave ms. I couldn't sustain that level of intense interaction with such a huge group of people. It was consuming all of my time. I may have gone from hundreds of comments to a handful, but it doesn't feel like a loss because this isn't a "social" place. If people have something they want to say about what I've written they can and I enjoy the interaction. There's no social pressure. :)
All that being said, I have missed your comments and insights here and I'm honored that you're back reading. We have indeed become friends and I'm glad. :)
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