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Everything will change. It's one thing I'm sure of. When life is hard and must be endured, I'm thankful for the change that I know will come. It helps me carry on. When life is beautiful, I am caught up, captivated. It's hard to surrender those moments to the passing of time. I remember. Laying under the Southern Cross on a hot summer night in Canberra, Australia, and the kiss that would change my life, albeit at the time I didn't know it.
I remember. Tilting my head to tickle his tummy with my hair, tiny hands pressed against my face, a squeal of laughter, my infant son.
I remember. The feel of my grandpa's hand in mine, his skin paper thin, blue veined, tremulous, the moment he sighed and died as I quietly sang to him.
I remember. My mom, body curled and ruined, but oh the brilliance of her smile, the love in it, the day I finally gave her permission to leave us. We'll be okay, I promised. It was the truth and a lie. I miss her. I miss her.
I remember. Sitting atop my father's grave, running my fingers through tufted grass, wishing things had been different, that he might have found a way to love me in a way that I could understand and feel, knowing that whatever chance we had was gone like so much dandelion fluff blown away by the wind. I wish...
I remember. The wind in my sun-bleached hair, arms tightly wrapped around my big brother, the wobble of the motorcycle when we hit gravel, a scream, a whoop of joy, a cloud of dust, flying down the trail.
I remember. The jungle, overripe and rotting, small brown hands patterned by scabies, picking head lice from the giant puff of her mother's hair, the flash of white smiles in nut brown faces. They were my friends and I always looked for them. One day I came and the little one wasn't there. It was malaria her mother said with sad eyes. I was shattered to think of her gone, that beautiful little one, and I cried so hard. Her mother touched my tears and said with wonder, do children not die in your village in America?
In a few days we'll mark a new year; hello 2010.
Everything will change and I no longer fear it. I want to feel EVERYTHING, take it all in. This life is a gift, every little bit of it. The only waste of life is a failure to really live it.
©Just Kate, 2009
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How we respond is our only choice.
I choose to be thankful for late late chats and friends who make giggle.
Blessings, Kate.
Tim - YES, We are the sum of those memories and more. I needed to hear just that this morning. Throughout my life I have reinvented myself many times and that's a good thing except for when my motivation has been to erase bits and pieces of my life. Thankfully, I'm always learning and growing and I'm coming to understand that reinvention is good, running away isn't.
Thank you for the thought provoking comment, my friend.
Babysister - Thank you for the kind words. :) I think we all spend too much time trying to avoid pain. We don't seek it but when it comes we shouldn't avoid it. It must be endured, walked through, so that we can learn and grown and live a complete life. Happy New Year to you, too!
It's HARD to embrace the hard stuff. It's not a natural thing to do, but it's better for us in the long run if we do and you're absolutely right that we'd be lesser people without it.
Wonderful New Year wishes to you, too, my friend. ♥
Jerry
Most people said it wouldn't last, you mean. We knew each other all of 5 minutes (okay, it was a bit longer than that) before we got married! And look at us, in a few days it will be 22 years! They were SERIOUSLY wrong.
Thank you for putting up with mercurial me. I know I'm a trial. LOL
Change is constant, yes. My life is full and I feel fortunate and blessed. We definitely experienced a recent "hardship" with our son's brain trauma but we've also been blessed in a myriad of ways. Heck, we were blessed that he survived the assault. Anyway, we always appreciate the prayers. Thank you. :)
Oh and I just love it when your hubby comments. =)
I love it when hubby comments, too! He's made of 100% pure awesome. =D
And Crystle, THANK YOU for the comment and new years wish! Happy New Year to you, too, my friend. I have no idea what I was thinking when I responded to your comment before. Geesh.
I love hubby commenting, too. I grinned when I saw that he did. =D
'Tis was a great thing to do. Taking the time to remember and your last paragraph also reminds me of how to live my own future new year.
I tried to subscribe but could not at this moment but will try again later........
Jane from Ohio
FB and MS friend
It's lovely to see you. Thank you for taking the time to let me know you were here. I don't know why the subscription link isn't working. That's frustrating!
Anyway, I wish you all the best in 2010, my friend.
Many blessings, Kate
I used to live for the future. Now I try to fully embrace the moment. Only when we do not fear are we free.
Thank you!
May you have many more blessings in the new year!
Whatever life brings...
As you said...whatever life brings...it isn't easy, but we become better through thick and thin in our lives, it either makes or breaks us, and I believe you have been made into a better and stronger person!
Life isn't easy and I don't think it's meant to be. I think we lose much when we seek to run through or past the hard things that come our way. I'd venture to say that the best in us is formed through what's hard rather than what's easy. :) I don't wish for hard things, trust me, but I don't want to run numbly through them either, and when joy comes I want to throw my arms wide and run straight into it. Happy New Year, Tom!
Life brings what it will.
How we respond is our only choice.
I choose to be thankful for late late chats and friends who make giggle.
I remember many similar things. Reading this makes me stop, and remember them again. Some of those remembrances bring joy, some grief, and some bring other emotions as well. I'm the sum of those memories, and more. And it's that more that I turn my attention to. But I don't ever want to forget, either.
Blessings, Kate.
Very beautiful Kate. You haven't lost your touch. How nice to see the beauty even in the awful. Happy New Year Sweet
JC - I love late night chats, too! ♥ And you're so right, it's all in how we respond to what life brings.
Tim - YES, We are the sum of those memories and more. I needed to hear just that this morning. Throughout my life I have reinvented myself many times and that's a good thing except for when my motivation has been to erase bits and pieces of my life. Thankfully, I'm always learning and growing and I'm coming to understand that reinvention is good, running away isn't.
Thank you for the thought provoking comment, my friend.
Babysister - Thank you for the kind words. :) I think we all spend too much time trying to avoid pain. We don't seek it but when it comes we shouldn't avoid it. It must be endured, walked through, so that we can learn and grown and live a complete life. Happy New Year to you, too!
Embrace life and all of it...even the hardest parts bring riches and wonder that would make us lesser people to be without. Happy New Year...may this coming year be twice as grand as last year and half as grand as next year. :) -- Anje
Hi, Anje!
It's HARD to embrace the hard stuff. It's not a natural thing to do, but it's better for us in the long run if we do and you're absolutely right that we'd be lesser people without it.
Wonderful New Year wishes to you, too, my friend. ♥
Great imagery.
Jerry
Jerry, Thank you for letting me know you were here!
Hi My Love, I remember most of those moments as well. You are the kiss that changed my life, though many said it would last. Love you and thank you for being a wonderful wife and mother.
Change is ever present - the line on the calendar just gives a frame of reference. Be that as true as I feel it to be I will still pray for you and hope the changes are for the better for you and yours next year. Peace and huggs.
Hi, honey! =D
Most people said it wouldn't last, you mean. We knew each other all of 5 minutes (okay, it was a bit longer than that) before we got married! And look at us, in a few days it will be 22 years! They were SERIOUSLY wrong.
Thank you for putting up with mercurial me. I know I'm a trial. LOL
Anonymous,
Change is constant, yes. My life is full and I feel fortunate and blessed. We definitely experienced a recent "hardship" with our son's brain trauma but we've also been blessed in a myriad of ways. Heck, we were blessed that he survived the assault. Anyway, we always appreciate the prayers. Thank you. :)
A smile, a tear and a lovely hope for everything that this new year will bring. That is what this gave me. ♥
Oh and I just love it when your hubby comments. =)
Thank you, Chickee. That's lovely.
I love it when hubby comments, too! He's made of 100% pure awesome. =D
THOM! I can't believe I called you "Tom." *facepalms*
And Crystle, THANK YOU for the comment and new years wish! Happy New Year to you, too, my friend. I have no idea what I was thinking when I responded to your comment before. Geesh.
That was fun to read your hubby comment on your blog! I rather enjoyed that! And you got it right, Kate...life is a gift, one to be treasured each day. In the Old Testament, the people of those days would sometimes set up stones to memorialize a profound event. You did something similar here, with your "I remember" stones. It's good to remember, and it's fun when hubby can remember too...shared history is sweet. I love you Kate...have a fabulous New Year!
I love you too, Jay! :D I'm so glad you mentioned "memory stones." We have many memory stones around our house, markers of special moments. I usually write the date on them and a few words that represent what the stone represents. It's an idea we gleaned from the Old Testament, exactly as you stated. How cool is that?!
I love hubby commenting, too. I grinned when I saw that he did. =D
Today I noticed that you have a blogspot site and came over to read and this certainly reminded me of my own moments to remember.
'Tis was a great thing to do. Taking the time to remember and your last paragraph also reminds me of how to live my own future new year.
I tried to subscribe but could not at this moment but will try again later........
Jane from Ohio
FB and MS friend
Jane,
It's lovely to see you. Thank you for taking the time to let me know you were here. I don't know why the subscription link isn't working. That's frustrating!
Anyway, I wish you all the best in 2010, my friend.
Many blessings, Kate
I so agree with that whatever life brings you have to live within it. Feel it. Explore it. It is when we fight life that all the sorrows come. I do not say that you should not be walking towards goals, I believe in traveling to new destinations, taking your ship to explore, but what I do not believe is to fear life. To fight it. I believe you have to have the strength to face what's there and move through it if you do not like it and dare to enjoy it if you love it.
I used to live for the future. Now I try to fully embrace the moment. Only when we do not fear are we free.
Thank you!
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