If Wishes Came True


I wish for everything to be linear and to MAKE SENSE. I wish to feel the right feelings in the right order and to take the right steps forward, in the right direction. That said, I'm glad that I'm only occasionally granted that wish. I think there's brilliance in the fumbling and brilliance in the mess, if only we can embrace our imperfections. It's in our mistakes that we LEARN and GROW and become better. It's in the darkness that we reach towards God - towards LIGHT - and in the reaching we connect with something so much bigger than ourselves. I love that.

If I could, I'd make it so that I never felt pain or dread or fear. I'd never misstep and, thus, never need feel guilt again. Thank God, I won’t get those wishes granted. When I look back over my life, some of the things that felt like the biggest disasters ended up being godsends and some of my biggest mistakes made fertile ground for growing in. Ask any gardener what makes his garden grow. Ha! He'll tell you it's SHIT! ;)

I wish I understood myself better. I wish I wasn't prone to bouts of outrageousness. It all seems incongruent with the "other me" that is a spiritual, thinking person - a writer and a bit of a philosopher.

Do spiritual people say "SHIT"?

The fact is that there are many different things that co-exist inside of me that would seem to be mutually exclusive but they aren't. There are many different truths contained inside of each of us. We're human fractals - infinitely complex - ordered chaos - beauty in the guise of a mess.

Let me offer a more concrete explanation of what I'm trying to say here: When I was a little girl, I used to wish that my mom didn't have Multiple Sclerosis. I wished and we prayed but God never saw fit to grant us that wish. For the longest time I didn't understand. I was angry at God. Why did he allow my mother to suffer while my uncle, who molested me, enjoyed ridiculously good health? WHY? It didn't make sense. And, why, for that matter, did God allow me to be molested?

I don't have enough time to explain this in the confines of a blog but, suffice it to say, I'm grateful for those hard things. Yeah, I'm grateful for them. My mom was not handicapped. Yes, her body was broken, but her spirit was BEAUTIFUL! Who knows what she would have been without that disease. Who knows whether it would have been better for her. Would she have been as deeply spiritual, as compassionate, as kind, as empathetic?

And what about me: from whence did my compassion, empathy, and kindness come? Ah, I learned from my mother. I have adopted abused children. Why? Because I know the pain of abuse. My compassion compels me to act. Do you understand me, friends? I thank God that my wishes remain only wishes because I would seek to avoid hard things, but the hard things have made me better.

I haven't even touched on the mistakes I've made in my life -- on my regrets. I'd really like to erase some of them and I'd like to never make another mistake as long as I live, but we know that's not going to happen. I'm human and, as such, I am incapable of perfection.

So, I wish to accept myself, and others, as we are, in the midst of our imperfections, mistakes, and messes. I wish to live a life characterized by love and compassion. Along the way, I know I'll make mistakes. I'll do the thing I wish not to do. I'll suffer self- recrimination.

In the end, however, I'm grateful that my wishes blow away on the wind. I'll take life as it comes, my friends, moment by moment, as God sees fit to grant it.

©Just Kate, 2008

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    About Me

    I love laughter, wickedness, fearlessness, irreverence, and kindness. I love road trips where I can prop my bare feet up on the dashboard. I love the feel of sunshine warm against my bare skin, the smell of the mountains and the roar of the ocean. I love to read. I love to challenge conventional thinking. I'm a huge fan of spirituality but have little tolerance for religion. I love to talk faith and philosophy. I love children. I get bored far too easily. I love debate and people who don't try too hard. I love it when people aren't afraid to disagree with me and know why they believe what they believe.

    Music

    Things that sound like music to me: rain on a tin roof, the trill of birds first thing in the morning, the coo and gurgle of happy babies, the beat of African drums, the roar of the ocean as the tide ebbs and flows, the sound of a rushing river, unrestrained laughter, the wind moving through leaves, the tick-tock of my grandma's old clock, the crash of thunder, a quiet whisper in my ear, the contented purr of a cat, the musical ting ting of wind chimes, children laughing, the sizzle sizzle sound of something yummy cooking, and the rustle of dry leaves under my feet.

    I also enjoy many musicians and bands including: Ray LaMontagne, Jason Mraz, The Black Eyed Peas, John Mayer, James Carrington, CCR, REM. My favorite genre is acoustic folk/rock.

    Favorite Quotes

    "We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." —Aristotle

    "The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering." - Ben Okri

    "What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do."—John Ruskin